Why it makes sense to take control and shape your personality

Many people assume it is a forgone conclusion that you can’t change your personality. The assumption is you have inherited certain aspects of your personality and other aspects have been a part of you for years…so there is no real way to create lasting changes to your personality.

The alternaview
The alternaview is that not only is it possible to change our personality, it is our responsibility to shape and mold it in a way that will allow us to realize the things we want out of life. The reality is we are all multidimensional. There are many good personality traits we have (i.e. diligence, motivation, kindness) and there are others we could really do without (i.e. procrastination, lack of confidence, impatience).

Certain traits are just more dialed up in us than others. But, the good news is we all have the ability to pick and choose those aspects of our personality we want highlighted. And, depending on what we select those traits will impact the decisions we make, how other people perceive us and also play an integral role in determining the results we get out of life.

As an example, everyone has the traits of tolerance, patience and kindness. I am certain though you have come across those people that are just more kind and patient than other people. Assuming these people also have certain complimentary traits, such as discipline, diligence and confidence, chances are they have determined how to channel all of these positive traits in order to get many of the results they want out of life.

So, if we are able to shape and mold our personalities in any way we desire and if we understand there are certain positive traits we need in order to get the results we want, why doesn’t everyone simply just look at what they want, match it up to the traits they need and shape their personalities accordingly?

Because for some people, they just do not connect the dots this way. They see things differently and choose to devote their energy to other things, which can be unfortunate and reminiscent of riding a 10 speed bike uphill in the wrong gear. They are applying their effort in a way that just doesn’t guarantee them the best results.

Yes, it can be hard work to consistently make the necessary decisions that actually allow you to truly change your personality in the way you need to…and yes, you have to put forth a concerted effort and make different decisions about how to behave and interact consistently…

However, this is the discipline we need because if we don’t proactively shape and mold our personality, it is formed by default.  This means many expressions of our personality may be impacted by the actions of other people, what others have told us about ourselves and experiences that we view negatively. Instead, we should take more control of things and shape and mold our personality the way we want it and in a way that will set us up to experience life the way we desire.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Determine what traits you need. Look at personality traits like an a la carte menu…you get to pick and choose what you want and what will be most helpful. There really are no limits to what you get to choose and some traits are very closely associated with others.  Consequently, when you choose to focus on one, the other just comes as added value (i.e. kindness and patience).

2. Look around at traits you admire in others and add those to the list. If you see other people doing something very well and notice a positive personality trait they have expressed…add it to your list of what you are focusing on strengthening.  The more the better.

3. Work and Practice. Work on incorporating those traits you want and focus on having them as a part of your personality. Do those things that are required in order to be considered to have those traits. Throughout the day, you will have countless opportunities to practice your desired traits. Keep your focus and really put forth a concerted effort to practice it in every instance you can.

4. Fake it till you make it. Now many times people will think just because they don’t feel their responses and behaviors are and natural, then they are being fake. They decide they don’t want to be fake and want to express who they think they are. However, we should prioritize positive personalities over expressing who we think we are. I have met many people who were unpleasantly expressing who they thought they were and I can honestly say I much prefer those people who feel they are just “faking kindness”. The reality is that over time, even if you are faking it, it will eventually become ingrained into your personality and will improve and improve until it is more natural.

I am certain you have probably spent a significant amount of time determining what you want to do and how you can best achieve positive results. Your positive personality traits have also probably been developing naturally…but, if you have not already been doing so, just also make certain you are strategically working on your personality to accelerate the development of those positive traits. These traits will not only allow you to get what you want out of life, but will also improve how you experience life…that is the alternaview.

Do you agree with this alternaview?  Have you shaped your personality?